


Insanity.

by Dawnsbby (Asunerz)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Coming of Age, M/M, Secrets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:20:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23942230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asunerz/pseuds/Dawnsbby
Summary: He knows it’s crazy. They’d probably accept him, but the thought of them not. Of them seeing him in a different light makes him crazy with fear.Yet Jaemin found out.Donghyuck always knew that the truth will come out one way or another, but he wanted it to be on his terms. He’s not ready for the world to come crashing down around him, not yet.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 15





	Insanity.

**Author's Note:**

> I had this in my drafts for a while... tell me if you like it!

Scared.

Tired.

Broken.

These three words could basically sum up all of Donghyuck’s life.

He likes living in this little bubble he created for himself. Never drawing attention. It’s safe and secure... but it hurts.

It’s hurts him so much.

He’s not himself around the people he loves. His best friends, the people who he knew since diapers and yet he’s still afraid.

It’s not about courage... it’s fear. The perpetual thought that the people he cares for most about will turn their backs on him.

He knows it’s crazy. They’d probably accept him, but the thought of them not. Of them seeing him in a different light makes him crazy with fear.

Yet Jaemin found out.

Donghyuck always knew that the truth will come out one way or another, but he wanted it to be on his terms. He’s not ready for the world to come crashing down around him, not yet.

But Jaemin knows. And Jaemin knowing is the one thing that scares him shitless.

He doesn’t know how everything fell apart so quickly. How he allowed his walls to slowly crumble down, the walls he so carefully built. Watching them become destroyed.

by one boy.

It’s pathetic, really.

And now Jaemin is standing in Donghyuck’s room, staring at him like he’s a fucking demon or something.

He was returning back with a big bowl of popcorn for the normal movie night he has with Jaemin when he notices he has a book in his hand.

At first it seems normal, Jaemin’s a naturally curious guy and inspects almost everything in Donghyuck’s ever changing room. But his facial expressions seem pained.

Maybe writing down all your thoughts in a book and leaving it out isn’t quite the best idea when you’re having guests over.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Donghyuck yells out. Panic, fear and anger consume him on sight. Before he even registers what’s happening he’s ripping the book out of his best friends hand and cursing at him over and over again until he’s red in the face.

“Donghyuck, you’re crying.” Jaemin looks at him. He has never seen him look so vulnerable.

Donghyuck stops yelling for a moment and touches his cheeks. He feels the warm and salty tears cascade down his face and begins to furiously wipe them away. Crying in a situation like this is pathetic.

“Donghyuck–“ Jaemin begins in a whisper, his voice almost apologetic. “I–“ Jaemin pauses for a moment, trying to choose the right words, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to– it was just open and I was curious because the font seemed aggressive. I didn’t mean to.”

A sigh escapes his lips followed by another weak apology.

Donghyuck looks at him like he’s crazy.

“You didn’t mean it? You’re sorry? For what? What are you sorry for? For reading what I wrote? For invading my privacy? Or is it something else?”

Donghyuck stops for a moment, “are you sorry that I like boys?” His voice is almost a whisper now.

“Is that what you’re sorry for?”

Jaemin just stands there helpless. He wants to say more. He wants to comfort him yet the words won’t form in his mouth correctly and he decides saying nothing is better than saying the wrong thing.

They stand there in silence for a few moments before Donghyuck speaks up.

“Leave.” he tells him harshly.

“Please just leave.” He pleads with Jaemin. And even though it was one of the hardest things Jaemin has done in his life, he gets up and leaves.

“I’m okay. And you’re okay too.” Jaemin looks back at him and gives a weak smile.

The soft click of his door closing is the last thing Donghyuck hears before he collapses on his bed.

The thing is, It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Donghyuck had a plan on how he was gonna come out. It wasn’t necessarily finished or even well thought out but he wanted it done his way.

But Jaemin knows and what’s done is done. Donghyuck wished he had said something before this happened. Yet that isn’t how the world works sometimes.

If he was thinking straight he’d probably know not to leave a book that’s full of his deepest secrets wide open for anyone to read, yet he also trusted his friend not to snoop around his room.

He’s hates this feeling. Like his whole world is slowly falling down to bits around him and as much as he tries to rebuild and patch it up it doesn’t fix what was already broken. Just covers it up.

He’s wants to crawl up in a ball and sleep for the rest of the day. So he does exactly that. 

By the time he wakes up he has over 50 messages from Na Jaemin. Most of them apologies. Some asking if they can talk.

But it’s useless in Donghyuck’s mind anyway. There’s no way in hell he is ever showing his face out in public. Half the town probably already knows because Jaemin can’t keep his big fucking mouth shut.

He allows this anger to wash over him. He curses at God for making him feel like this. He screams into his pillow and wishes himself to just disappear from the world, if only for a little bit of time.

When he wakes up his eyes and puffy and his face is tear stricken. _Great_ he thinks, _just in time for school too! Wonderful._

School is uneventful to say the least. He avoids Jaemin like the plague which garners some eyebrow raises from the rest of his friend group, but no one says anything to him. Not even when it’s painfully obvious he’s avoiding a certain someone.

He’d even say the day went off without a hitch, but every time someone even looked in his general direction Donghyuck freaked out.

He felt as if everyone was staring at him with prying eyes. Whispering and laughing at him behind his back.

It was frightening. Donghyuck knew in reality no one was looking at him. that there’s no way they could know anything about what happened the previous night. Donghyuck wondered if this was what insanity felt like.

He sure as hell felt like he was going crazy.

**Author's Note:**

> so uhhh,,, what’d you think??? also follow me on twt please @fullsunchip


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